| At this point, Heidi is thinking an edit to her online profile may be necessary. And by "edit," she means "deletion." |
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 | I didn't get quite enough footage from outside your bedroom window the last 3 nights. Enter: Our first date. Ecstacy - check. Camer - check. Aaaand.......GO. | |
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| I've continually asked them to remove the "Creepers Welcome" sign from my tagline. | |
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| There's just something about Heidi's smile that makes dudes want to take their shirts off. And pee themselves. |
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| If you think this belt and hat look good with the urine stain on my pants - imagine how great it looks with my shirt off...........YEAH. | |
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| I actually know a guy with an uncircumcised penis nose you would get along great with. | |
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| Then Heidi hits a wall. Match.com manages to set her up with an unavailable, engaged individual who does not want to be contacted. FAIL. |
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| Oh - yeah, I'm married......DO NOT say hi to me. Match.com has matched you to a placeholder account. | |
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| Perfect. I'm going to go drink bleach. | |
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