| ~ THE WHITE HOUSE PRESS ROOM ~ |
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 | "today is a sad day for america, and a sad day for americans..." | |
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| "...intelligence sources have confirmed that there has been a lesbian marriage somewhere in the south pacific. we are working with local law enforcement and first responders to verify this deeply troubling report of the desecration of humanity | |
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| I will now take your questions....yes, sir. | |
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| is there any truth to earlier reports by the white house that lesbians are plotting to destroy the earth by marrying every woman alive? | |
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