| Deep in the heart of the English countryside stands that transdimensional bastion of esoteric wisdom and ancient lore: Fortean Towers. |
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| Home to the kind of freaks you only ever encounter in erotic nightmares... |
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 | When. Will I. Will I be Famous? | |
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| Hello, is that the Hierophant? Splendid work old chap. Keep the bitchy drivel flowing. It's only the gimps on FTMB who think you suck donkey-dick. | |
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| Always on their guard for the day when the cherished walls will be assaulted by writ-bearing turbulent priests! |
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| Why am i here? AND WHAT THE HELL AM I ANYWAY? | |
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| You may think i am the unnameable one but really i am former PM Edward Heath in ecceliastical garb. | |
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