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| Learn to accept Tom Cruise as my personal savior. | |
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| Drink less beer
and more liquor! | |
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| Stop referring to my mom as that honky b#tch. | |
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| Limit my donut intake to one bakers dozen per week. | |
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| Rid myself of those pesky recurring skin funguses, especially seborrheic dermatitis in my groin region. | |
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| Bedazzle more! | |
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