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| I Freeball on Thursdays. The ladies love it! | |
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| I keep an autographed photo of Ricky Schroeder under my mattress to ward off evil spirits. | |
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| I have an undershirt with a spaghetti stain on it that looks like the Baby Jesus in the manger. I don't wash it, yet wear it on days when I give a client presentation. And I'm not even religious! | |
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| Before long car trips, I eat a box of Ho-Hos. I feel it makes me a more alert driver. | |
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| On certain mornings I wake up with a premonition that something bad is going to happen. On those days, I drink a fifth of Wild Turkey and everything turns out fine! | |
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| In some cultures, like mine, it is considered good luck to goose an old lady on the bus. | |
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